Up to three quality Sunbeam jokes, that's three bad quality jokes. Please please send in some better contributions!

The designers

The designer Erling Poppe, of BSA, Sunbeam motorcycles division, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Erling, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven. Erling thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took Erling to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.

Erling then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman?" God said, "Ah, yes." "Well," said Erling, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention.

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust.
And finally,
5. The maintenance costs are outrageous.

Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."

God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Erling, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."

The nut

If you have problems with your 'beam at any point, regardless of the symptoms, the problem is usually the nut holding the handle bars; apparently it's useless.

The agony aunt

Dear Abby,

I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.
The usual signs... phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."
I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive. Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn't in a taxi?
I once picked her mobile phone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.
Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.
I decided I was going to park my Sunbeam next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my bike, that I noticed that the rocker cover seemed to be weeping a little oil.
Should I tighten down the rocker cover and risk it splaying, or should I just replace the gasket?

Thanks,

Andy